Unexpected encounters, relationships and lighthouses !

What is it with lighthouses, relationships and connections! How the connections thrive and grow? Do we need to keep servicing our connections just like we do for our machines? How to develop our lighthouse for relationships and nurture it? Can science help in tracing our connections? Join me on this podcast as I will share a well-rounded thought process that will help in connecting the dots! 

Transcript

Unexpected encounters, relationships and lighthouses !

Hello Everyone and welcome to the podcast of the Ordinary Maverick. This is Ajey, your host, an ordinary Maverick sharing real life thoughts and experiences and Maverick tips. If you haven’t hit the subscribe button yet, please do so,  and you’ll not miss another episode.

The dictionary meaning of relationship goes like this, ‘the way in which two or more people or things are connected or the state of being connected. It’s also the state of being connected by blood or marriage. And could also be the way in which two or more people or groups regard and behave towards each other. Different definitions yes, but the bottom line is ‘being connected’. We are surrounded by connections, by relationships. Family relationships, friendships, acquaintanceships, romantic relationships, work relationships, teacher/student, community/group…..and at any given point in time we are contributing as well as taking from these relationships, from these connections.

That’s it. Give and take, give some more, take some more. That’s how the connections thrive and grow…and so do our relationships. I often think of synapses – you know our nerve endings and how information and signals are transmitted in our body. The more you use them the more they work and when not used we lose or become slower. And then of course we also create new signals and links. Its a constant process. And in todays digital world this is even more apparent. Everything seems to be smoothly connected at a click of a button but we know that behind the scenes is a massive coalition of connections! Sometimes it’s scary. What if something breaks down, we will all be disconnected, it happened recently with the outage of few such worldwide networks . So what do we do? Well, we keep our digital equipment well serviced and up to date, get all the upgrades and ensure that we don’t face the issue of break downs. Right?

Well, I feel our human relationships are the same. We have to quote unquote ‘service’ them, keep the connections bright and strong. Because if we don’t, we risk the fading away of that connection and ultimately the relationship.  We also need to find out if there’s any problem early and fix it or else it will grow and grow and ultimately destroy the relationship. And we develop new connections, new relationships throughout our life. And just as these connections grow, so does our life span, our joie de vivre (joy of life)! Evidence has shown that the single most important factor for a healthy and happy life   and loving and fulfilling relationships. Now if that’s the case and we know it, then why don’t we pay more attention to this? Surprising isn’t it? How sometimes despite knowing the solution we still don’t quite practice it. That’s the human dilemma, ha ha.  element comes in. You know the lighthouse guides ships safely to the harbour. Traditionally in olden times, we relied on the lighthouse to navigate at sea. It’s the same for air travel. The powerful beams that are sent out from the airports help airplanes navigate the skies and reach the landing site. To my fellow Mavericks I would say…develop your lighthouse for relationships. I call it the ‘Connect lighthouse’. Keep nurturing it. And that requires mindfulness, you know the part about going with your gut in the Maverick formula? Well, the more you practice it, the more the connect lighthouse gets stronger and the more it is able to guide you in your relationships. You will know when a relationship needs more attention, you will pick up the signals that something is not quite right. And just like all lighthouses, your connect lighthouse will also guide you and ensure that the relationships keep strong and safe. 

Here's a thought, how about planning trips and seeing the most iconic lighthouses in the world? Most of these have been built on the most epic locations from volcanoes to sand dunes. We ourselves have started a list and are hoping to check them out in the coming years. The tower of Hercules in Spain is the oldest operating lighthouse in the world dating back to the last 1st century AD and it’s in northwest Spain. And then you have the Eldred Rock Lighthouse in Alaska, the only surviving octagonal frame lighthouse in the world built in 1905. The next time you’re traveling, check out if there’s a lighthouse you can visit. And believe me, just looking at the lighthouse gives one an indescribable feeling of peace. You know that the light from here has guided thousands of fellow men and women and families to safety over the years. 

And you know what? Just as when you’re at sea and suddenly see the light beams from the lighthouse, so it is with relationships. Sometimes the light just shines bright and sparks with some unexpected encounters and then one reflects and says ‘Wow’….who knew that this would happen when we first got to know each other. We’ve had quite a few such Wow moments. My wife was working in Papua New Guinea some years back and went for an evening get together a few months after being in Port Moresby, the capital. During the course of the evening, she gets talking to an Indian lady and they speak about origins in India. The lady shares her husband’s hometown and it happened to be my hometown. My wife noted that and they both laughed at the coincidence of both their husbands being from the same town and also graduating from that same University. Later that night, when we spoke and I got the details and the name of the person we realized he was a year senior to me in University and we knew each other! Imagine …after all these years and that too in Papua New Guinea. Who would have ever thought we would connect having left those Uni days far behind. At the time, we didn’t have cell phones and social media to keep in touch. Of course, he realized the same at his end and then the entire stay in PNG took a different turn as now there was someone known in that country.

Have you’ll heard about ‘ancestry tracing’? there are companies that specialize in DNA testing and tracing and can share more about your origins as well as all the persons who you may be connected to in the world. One such action from a member of my wife’s maternal grandfather’s family resulted in us getting connected to many members of the extended family a few years back. Was pretty amazing and all because today’s science allows us to do so.

And of course we’ve got the challenge of ‘long distance’ relationships. That’s a whole new aspect altogether. I’ve shared earlier that we’ve moved many times over the years. For many of these moves, we weren’t able to be together as a family all the time. And we were managing our relationships long distance. Very tough. But let me share some insights and how we navigated this difficult period. It wasn’t easy, I have to admit. But then both myself and my wife have had some prior experience with long distance relationships and had witnessed first hand both the good side as well as the not so good side. You know that’s the other thing, how we take the learnings from the past and apply it to the future. That’s another very difficult thing to sift through. Often the past brings difficult and sometimes sad memories, right. But when we can find a way to not let the hurt and anger affect us, move beyond that to the learning then I say..’we have arrived’. It’s one of my phrases and over the years has gotten more and more associated with me! I use it to emphasize that we’ve learnt something, we’ve crossed a bridge, a challenge and successfully made it to the other side. Ha ha.

Well, coming back to how we pulled through those ‘long distance’ times. It may be obvious but often times the obvious is good. Yes, we made a lot of video recordings, everything was on camera…our girls were little then and we just recorded them reciting poems, songs, chatting, role playing, in school, sports day …everything. I must thank my wife who I think never stepped out without the video camera by her side! But the important thing was that we replayed these videos when we had our family time, when we next got together and had the girls relive those moments and share their feelings, their fun stories. We MADE THE TIME. Now how did that happen? Often I hear from friends and family, oh it’s so hectic when we go home for a holiday, especially if you’re living outside your home country….or when a family member comes home after a long time. Well, in our case, when we did get together, we always took some time off and went to some place away from home – just the 4 of us. This was an unwritten rule. Regardless if we were going home to India or meeting up together in the country we were living in, we always did a short trip out somewhere so we could just spend the time together – without any external disturbances, any extended family and friends. Now that I think back – this was so critical. We are very close to each other and I do believe those family breaks contributed hugely. I am very glad we did it and am passing this on to all my fellow Mavericks to consider this and do the same. The dividends you get in investing the time are priceless.

The other thing was that we never hesitated to pay more for a phone connection even when traveling overseas. Regardless of the cost that was the first thing we did, have a phone connection as soon as possible and then call or text often from whichever part of the world we were in. Always being connected. All this was much before skype came along and today there are all kinds of video options, social media that seamlessly keeps you connected – sometimes more so than necessary! I’ve spoken about disconnecting and the digital detox in another episode.

Another key unwritten rule for us was to never miss special occasions like our birthdays, anniversaries, school special events etc. it’s all about Making the Time and getting priorities right. We’ve spoken about time and investments in relationships and about addressing issues and conflicts early on, but an important element of our relationships is trust.

Keep YOUR Connect Lighthouse shining bright.

Write your comments, share your feedback, I would love to hear from you. This is Ajey, signing off and wishing you have an amazing day. Keep well.