The Perfect Gift

Gift giving and receiving is an ancient custom across the world in all communities and cultures. There is something special in finding the right gift and it takes both time and effort. But is there a perfect gift? And what makes it perfect?  Join me on this podcast to hear more about gift giving, wish lists, gift registries and some experiences and learnings with gifting.

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The Perfect Gift

Hello everyone, and welcome to the podcast of the Ordinary Maverick. This is Ajey, your host, an ordinary Maverick sharing real life thoughts and experiences and Maverick tips. If you haven’t hit the subscribe button yet, please do so, and you’ll not miss another episode.

Tis the season to be jolly, Fa La La La, La, La, La! Many of us might have heard this festive song at some point in our lives. The spirit of Christmas is universal, there’s a feeling of joyfulness and celebration. Everywhere one turns, you see twinkling lights, stars and Christmas trees all dressed up in their finery, glowing and sparkling and most importantly the feeling of anticipation as families plan get togethers, catch up over home cooked meals, relaxed long eveni  ngs of chatting and sharing AND…here’s the big one….feeling good about Gifts! Yes, Christmas presents, or gifts are a tradition and it is indeed the season of giving! And given the timing being the end of the year, there’s a feeling of ‘wow, we got through this year….and the feeling of anticipation for the new year! Nothing quite like it.

Now we all know that when it comes to gifts, what’s fascinating is that both parties feel joy and excitement….although in different ways! For the giver, there is the anticipation and sometimes stress! Ha ha….of finding the perfect gift, something that will stand apart, that will be remembered and valued as the best gift ever! And for the receiver, the innate feeling of ‘oh, what will it be this time?’ the joy of anticipation and happiness on receiving the gift is second to no other.

As me and my family approached this festive season, the thought struck, what is the ‘perfect’ gift? And how does it become perfect for both the receiver and the giver? 

Well, as I reflected, I thought to go back to the beginning….when did gift giving start? And why? Well, research shows that gift giving goes back to ancient times and evolved over the years starting off to maintain and strengthen social bonds. History shows that gifts were exchanged during religious ceremonies and festivals, or to show appreciation. Gifts were also exchanged during significant life events, like weddings, births and birthdays. In ancient Rome, there was a practice of giving gifts to mark the new year for bringing in good luck. And it seems that the gift giving tradition during Christmas time came from the Dutch figure of Sinterklaas from the former Dutch colonies of North America. It was sometime in the 1800s that the tradition of giving gifts to children by Santa Claus began.

All in all, it’s quite clear that gift giving is a social gesture and helps maintain and improve relationships, strengthen bonds as well as facilitate the feeling of deep connection to one another. The very thought of giving a gift to someone gives a feeling of joy, of anticipation of the reaction on receiving the gift…and then the thinking behind the gift. We all have experienced that feeling of joy on opening a gift and finding something that you never thought you wanted but once you see it, it’s just right. Finding the right gift is an art and is linked to how well you know the person. But then, do you always need to know the person well to give a gift?

Good question, right? Recently we had an interesting and fun interaction at our home. My brother and his kids came out to meet us and spend some time together. We had a wonderful time exploring the city, places to eat and getting to know one another with interesting conversations at mealtimes. The topic of gift giving came up and some felt you should give gifts once you know the person well enough to make it meaningful and right. While others thought that wasn’t always necessary and gifts can be given without knowing the person at all but will still communicate the ‘thought’ and feeling of caring and strengthen the sense of connection.

We’ve often heard the saying, it’s the thought that counts. 

Fellow Mavericks, would love to hear what you think about this….For us, as a family, we’re big on gift giving…doesn’t have to be flashy, expensive at all…just something that shows the other person you were and are in our thoughts. 

So what could such gifts be…when you don’t know the person. Well, our elder daughter who was home at the time from Ireland, expressed that it could be just postcards and that she loves receiving postcards from different places and sending them too. We could take some credit for that as parents…ha ha. I recall when our girls were little and we went on holidays…we would encourage them to get postcards and write a note and send to their grandparents. It was quite the exercise…recall us finding postcards in this place up in the mountains in India, Dalhousie. Then finding the local post office and completing the task of mailing these out. But the joy in our girls faces when their grandparents called to say they’ve received them and to see their postcards kept carefully whenever they visited was worth the effort. 

So coming back to the conversation of giving gifts when you don’t know the person, guess the simplest way is to take something from the place you’re traveling from, a souvenir, or could be a box of chocolates, basically it’s the thought that counts, right?

Well, we thought that the dinner table conversation was done and dusted, and my brother and family traveled back to their home. But a few days later, my daughter receives a package and guess what was in it?? Yep….Postcards! beautiful paintings of nature, scenic landscapes captured in postcards. Brought a smile to all our faces and reinforces what we believe, it is the thought that counts. Other gifts will come and each one is special but a gift that shows that one was listening,  shows thoughtfulness and caring.

Although the quest for the perfect gift can get tedious, frustrating and stressful. One way out is the concept of registry gifting. Almost two decades back we were living in the US while my wife was studying, a colleague got married. That was our first experience with the wedding registry. Honestly speaking, it took away all the stress of thinking what to get, what would they like and just pick from the registry. It was cool. There are registries for weddings, baby showers, new homes, special occasions. Makes life a bit easier! Of course, one can always give gift cards, cash cards that now give the flexibility of buying anything one wants. I recall the time when my wife and I loaded some money onto a card and gave it to our girls for spending as they wish. Their joy and the delight in their eyes when they swiped their cards and bought the things, they wanted was something to see. And of course, swiping the card was another thrill!

Then there are wish lists. We create these lists that reflect everything we wish for and can choose to share it with family and friends on birthdays or special occasions which helps them pick out something that they know one is looking for and wants. I guess the only challenge with registry gifting and wish lists is that one can tell exactly how much was spent on that gift. Of course, the pros are much higher and the ease of mind as well as not hunting for an appropriate gift and then worrying whether one likes it or not far outweigh any cons. But then, should a value of a gift be measured in monetary terms or by the value of the person thinking about you and wanting to gift something that is dear to you, something that you wanted. How does one value that?

Interesting thought, right? As one cannot really measure time. The time spent in thinking about the person and the right gift and then taking the trouble to find it whether it’s by ordering it through a registry or a wish list or then figuring it out on your own. It could be picking up on a conversation like the one we recently had about postcards and acting on it.

Over the years, I’ve come to appreciate the value of time. It’s the one commodity that cannot be bought. It must be given. It could be given through compulsion or because of a need, for example, time given for work to earn a living…. but time given to select a gift, get something special for someone, only to build or deepen a relationship and with the only thought of bringing joy to the other person….that is priceless. 

I’ve been thinking if I were to create a gift registry, what would I put in there? But before I share, let me recount an incident from some years back. When our girls were younger and depending on where we were during the Christmas holidays, we brought home a Christmas tree and did everything as per tradition….decorations, lights, and of course the gifts. Like all kids, our girls loved opening the gifts on Christmas morning and it became a tradition of sorts over the years. Until one year. Still recall our girls disappointed faces when they ran to the tree on Christmas morning and instead of gifts, they found 2 envelopes in the tree.  As 9- and 10-year-olds, they were old enough to understand there was no Santa, but they still wanted the gifts! And seeing the envelopes addressed to them raised their curiosity but that wasn’t what they were expecting. Anyway, they took the envelopes and expectantly read the note inside. Each note outlined a list of activities that they could request for through the course of the next year. You might be wondering what these were…they ranged from an outing to their favorite ice cream place, to their restaurant of choice for a meal, to spend a day with mom, and with Dad, you get the idea…there was a list of fun activities that they could choose from. Initial reactions were hmmmm, not quite sure how this compared to the physical gift, toy, game that they might have got instead. But then as the year progressed, and they pulled out the note and got through the check list, requesting for the different experiences, they started enjoying and loved it. 

We all learnt from that experience. Made some special memories that we recount to this day. Fellow Mavericks, the gift of time, of being present, of sharing experiences whether that’s doing things together or learning, growing together is simply priceless and the most valuable gift one can ever give. Since then, we’ve gifted physical things to one another, yes, but we’ve also tried to gift experiences. Of sharing experiences, doing things together and creating special memories. 

Fellow Mavericks, as I think through what I would list out in my gift registry, well, the answer is obvious, it’ll be experiences for sure.  And so, both myself and Sanjana, my wife, have an unspoken pact. We ‘gift’ ourselves experiences for our special occasions, that’s where we splurge, so to speak!  And yes, you can hear more about these as I have recounted some of these in earlier episodes, the Amazon trip and many others. 

Let me end by sharing one of the most powerful thoughts I’ve come across. You know how we take great care of a gift that’s dear to us…could be a watch that someone gave us, perhaps a book, perhaps a piece of jewellery….we preserve it, take so much care that it shouldn’t break or get spoilt and show it around proudly to near and dear ones. And if it ever gets lost, we are super upset and feel that it’s the end of the world. 

Well, Mavericks, you know what’s the greatest gift of all time, it’s the gift of life.  One so precious that we should take the utmost care of it. 

As we close out the year and bring in a new one, let me leave you with a thought and a task. A task of putting together a gift registry looking into the past where one lists  out the most beautiful, dear gifts you’ve received and given in return over the last few years. And a request to put some thought as to why these were important and made the list. You may be surprised with what makes it to that list. 

I would love to hear about your list. Do share at ‘theordinarymaverick@gmail.com’ and follow me on Instagram #theordinarymaverick.  I love hearing from you. This is Ajey, signing off and wishing you have an amazing rest of the year and kickstart the new year doing what makes you happy! Keep well. 

This podcast series was put together as a team effort from the Bhardwaj family.  Concept, design, title, researchers and reviewers: Ajey, Sanjana, Avantika and Niharika Bhardwaj; Script– Sanjana; Cover design – Niharika. All rights reserved.