Numbers matter !

From sunup to sundown, we are working and thinking about numbers. Numbers surround us. But what do numbers mean for relationships. Heard about Dunbar’s numbers and theory and the interesting intersections on the role in our lives? Join me on this podcast as to learn more about numbers and why they matter.

Transcript

Hello Everyone, and welcome to the podcast of the Ordinary Maverick. This is Ajey, your host, an ordinary Maverick sharing real life thoughts and experiences and Maverick tips. You will now notice that at the bottom of the podcast brief there is a direct link titled “would love to get your feedback” using this you will be able to give me a feedback…no more fuss and sweat…no need now to send an email or use any other medium for the same. 

You must have or maybe in the process of hearing my earlier podcast where I talked about Name matters… and well while recording that our thoughts went on to numbers and we got thinking again…do numbers matter…We’re surrounded by numbers. Think about it, we are constantly working or thinking or speaking about numbers. The first thing you do when you wake up is look at your watch for the time…that’s numbers. And then throughout the day there are numbers around you, your microwave is warming your coffee, the weather, your house number, the numbers of persons in your family, your salary figures, your report card scoring, number of meals you have in a day, glasses of water you drink, how many children do you have, how much of gas did you fill…well, the list is endless.

So the obvious answer to the question, do numbers matter, is generally a resounding yes!. Sometimes they matter a great deal, and sometimes it’s more routine..or some matter more to YOU versus the rest of the world. Sometimes we are anxiously awaiting the number, like the scoring from a test, an important exam, or it could be from medical tests, what’s your blood sugar, your cholesterol levels…your vit D levels (I can bet you this one will be low given the amount of time we spend indoors) And these numbers plus their anticipation can give us a lot of stress, anxiety and grief. But they can also give us immense happiness, joy and excitement. Such is the dichotomy, and such is life.

Fellow Mavericks, it’s all about the balance, right? And of course, the premise that there are many ways of thinking and approaching something. What might be joy for someone may be just the opposite for someone else. Let’s take for example, salary figures, for some it may be a promotion and they are super happy while for some it may not be what they expect or want, and so they are frustrated and not that happy. Same number, different emotions, different contexts.

In the same way, numbers in gatherings can be overwhelming for some, and exciting, energizing for others. I’m sure all of us can relate to how small, intimate gatherings feel versus large ones. And for some of us, we prefer one over the other. It can depend on the context of course but by and large, we all tend to lean more on the smaller, intimate type gatherings. We come back from these feeling connected. Even in large gatherings, we tend to be in a group, or end up sticking with a few folks and enjoying the event, spending that time together even if the gathering itself is large.

Now why do we do that? 

Well, numbers do matter and let me expand on this a bit more.

You might have heard about Dunbar’s theory? If you haven’t no worries as here it goes…It’s a social theory that states that people can handle up to about 150 relationships at one time. And the Dunbar number is the idea that there is a limit to how many relationships one can maintain for group cohesion, to meet their own requirements, and coordinate behaviours with other individuals in the group. So basically, each person knows the other and how they relate to every other person.

It was the British anthropologist Robin Dunbar who first proposed this theory in the 1990s and it got to be known as Dunbar’s theory or Dunbar’s number. It was based on the premise that there is a cognitive limit to the number of people with whom one can maintain stable social relationships. And what that means is a relationship in which an individual knows who each person is and how each person relates to every other person.

Interestingly this number limit is a direct function of the relative neocortex size and the processing capacity which limits the number of individuals with whom a stable interpersonal relationship can be maintained. There are on the periphery of this number past acquaintances, colleagues that a person could reacquaint oneself with if they met again. 

As I reflected on this information and the number, couldn’t help but think that in olden times, the average village size and settlements size was also close to 150…between 100 and 150 mostly. In the famous book, the Tipping point’, one of my personal favorites, Malcolm Gladwell also discusses the Dunbar number…and gives an example from the company, W.L. Gore and Associates, which is known as the Gore-Tex brand. They discovered in their own way that if more than 150 employees were working together in one building, different social problems could occur. So, the company took a decision and started building company buildings with a limit of 150 employees and only 150 parking spaces. And then when this was full, they would build another 150-employee building. Interesting, right?

The concept is intriguing, no doubt, and it made me think through our lives over the years, living in different places and traveling, exploring, in sync with the Maverick spirit. And did some sort of mental math, going over our Rolodex, our personal core Rolodex and off course the contact list on our phone. And yes, the number does come close to 150! For those who may not know but a rolodex is a desktop card index holder in the form of a rotating spindle or a small tray to which removable cards are attached. And yes rolodex has the old world charm and is not dead yet in this digital world hahaha..

But here’s a Maverick bent, within the 150 number, are further concentric circles. It’s my personal take, but these circles can be the family ones, close family, extended family, and then the broader friends, social groups, professional groups and so on.

In our life, over the years, these circles have changed, meaning the people in those concentric circles are different, moving in and out..it’s quite fascinating to see. Different stages in your life and the circles move. Common experiences and the circles move again. For example, after a family holiday or a family event, the circles look different, everyone is connected and exchanging notes and in today’s world, pictures. But then after some time that dies down and we’re once again back to the older ones, perhaps. 

Now in all of this, some of these concentric circles and the numbers of family members or friends remain constant. They are the ones who grow with you, who you trust, with whom you can always spend time and start a conversation. These are folks that even if you don’t see each other for some time, you can just pick up from the spot you were in last. 

Mind you, all of these circles are within the 150 number. 

In our lives, we have one such group, 5 families, initially connected as single people at a workplace and then the circle expanded, spouses and kids got involved too. It’s close to 24 years now and we’re going strong. There’s a camaraderie and understanding in this group, that’s seen us weather through grief and sorrow, tough times, illnesses, job shifts, career transitions, relocations over the years. Yet one phone call and it doesn’t seem as if there’s been any time apart.

Definitely the Dunbar theory working here!

As I delved into some more info on Dunbar’s numbers, it turns out that he does propose layers. And these layers run in five, 15, 50, and 150 people. What that means is that we have five people in the closest layer and then an additional 10, then 35 and then the final group of 100.

From someone who has spent a life living and working in different countries with an ever-evolving set of contacts and friendships, I can say this kind of rings true. Not totally but it’s close.

In today’s digital world of course, the story is a bit different. One can have thousands and millions of followers on social media and have hundreds of likes to a social media post and have hundreds of ‘friends’ on facebook. But fellow Mavericks, think about it…how many of these do you really engage and interact with, how many of these do you have meaningful relationships and feel you know them well enough. See that’s the catch.

And that’s where the fewer numbers and the tighter the circle is, the more meaningful life is. It’s not so much about a theory but really what we experience in life. And the joy that comes from those close circles.

So, here’s a challenge, get your personal Rolodex going..take some time and create that list of concentric circles. And once done, look at it and see if you have the right persons in there. And if not, change the circles. Life is too short – get your 150 right!

Numbers do matter!

Do share your thoughts at ‘theordinarymaverick@gmail.com’ and follow me on Instagram #theordinarymaverick.  I love hearing from you. This is Ajey, signing off and wishing you have an amazing rest of the year and kickstart the new year doing what makes you happy! Keep well. 

This podcast series was put together as a team effort from the Bhardwaj family.  Concept, design, title, researchers and reviewers: Ajey, Sanjana, Avantika and Niharika Bhardwaj; Script– Sanjana; Cover design – Niharika. All rights reserved.